Category: mom

I’m not a businessperson. I have no sense of money. My mom does everything for me. She makes all my decisions for me, and even buys my clothes. She’s very protective.

My dad was Jewish. My mom is not. So I was not raised anything.

My mom was sarcastic about men. She would tell me Adam was the rough draft and Eve was the final product. She was a feminist minister, an earth mom who wore a bra only on Sundays.

If I lived alone, Mom’d never sleep because she wouldn’t know I was okay.

I suddenly had this really mad desire to have an affair with a woman. I was divorced. I was childless. I figured there’s got to be one more way to really tick off my mom.

I was always a drama queen. I remember playing in the kitchen, trying to get my mom to think I was dead and call the police. When she didn’t, I would cry. I was always theatrical. I don’t think any of my relatives are surprised.

I never let anyone pluck, including myself, unless my mom approves. She guards my eyebrows. She’s like the eyebrow police!

My dad was a golden gloves boxer in the Marine Corps, then a deputy sheriff. My mom worked as an office assistant.